New Hawkins Power Rankings

1. Assassins (3-2) – The Assassins have the highest scoring average in the league (165/ppg), and this isn't the case of a team who has blown up a few weeks and had mediocre performances the rest of the time; the Assassins have yet to put up less than 130 in any week. The Assassins are the only team to post multiple 190+ point games, and they've done it with balance, with a top-10 fantasy scorer at every major position (i.e. everything but the kicker). Their downfall so far? Both losses have come to the division-leading Pedros. (And they should be embarrassed for starting JaMarcus Russell at any point in the season.)
   
2. Armadillos (5-0) – The Armadillos, the three-headed monster of Manning, Peterson, and the Vikings D/ST, has carried this team to a perfect record. With these three in the lineup, big scores are always a possibility, and steady scores are nearly guaranteed. (The Armadillos have yet to score under 138.) Beyond those three players there is not a lot to get excited about with this team, although Owen Daniels will likely be a top-10 TE at the end of the year. Manning's bye week this week will tell us a lot about this team.
   
3. Cocks (4-1) – I wanted to hedge and put them at a tie for the #2 spot, but I'm still having a hard time buying into the staying power of a team relying so heavily upon Cedric Benson. So far, though, Benson looks for real, and he's helped the Cocks reach at least 138 points every week. Benson is joined by the underrated Derrick Mason and the potential steal of the draft, Steve Smith (the one with the Giants) to make the Cocks a success story. The only reason this team is #3 and not #2 is that they're relying on some fairly unproven fantasy players, raising questions about the Cocks' future.
   
4. Vote 4 Pedro (4-1) – In this team's two lowest-scoring contests, they split games with middle-of-the-pack Legend of Bo. Yet, the Pedros have found a way to beat the top-ranked Assassins twice, and also scored a W against those respectable Boobs of Estelle Getty. With the exception of Week 1, Brady hasn't looked very Brady-like. When he comes around (and it's a matter of when, not if), Wes Welker likely comes with him, and then this team looks even better.
   
5. Estelle Getty's Boobs (2-3) – The Boobs have been real, if not yet spectacular. There's more talent on the roster than the team's two wins show, but it's only a matter of time before the combination of Matt Forte, Terrell Owens, Dwayne Bowe, and Matt Ryan start producing more W's. Of course, many if not all of those players have question marks, so this ranking might be more speculation than anything. In reality, this team's only wins have come against the lowly Alley Cats, but they've increased their output the last two weeks, a promising trend.
   
6. Floating Turtleheads (3-2) – While Kurt Warner looks to have been overrated on draft day, Vincent Jackson, Hines Ward, and Joe Flacco have been good "finds" (if 4^th and 5^th rounders like Jackson and Ward can be classified as "finds"). The result of their play is a winning record for the Turtleheads, even if two of those wins have come against the struggling Ra-Tards.
   
7. Wings of Pastrami (3-2) – The first team on this list with a sub-100 point game, the WOPs are an enigma. They'll put up 140 one week, only to score under 100 the next, then come back to put up 170 in the next. The WOPS beat the Turtleheads in their only H2H matchup, so there might be room for controversy here. The team has made a series of trades in an attempt to patch some potential holes (perhaps a sign that their own owner is not yet confident in his team), but if Romo doesn't play with more consistency, it could be an interesting year for the WOPs. As of now, another championship run looks questionable.
   
8. Legend of Bo (2-3) – A tough loss against the rival Assassins, in which the LOBs put up nearly 195 points, makes the W/L record a bit deceiving, but that doesn't hide the fact that this team put up an embarrassing 65 points last week. The Ray Rice for Steve Smith (the CAR one) trade was a risky gamble, but if it works, this team has one fewer hole, and should put up consistent numbers on the other side of the bye weeks. A payback win against the Assassins this week might help this team move up the rankings.
   
9. Cookie Monsters (1-4) – This team got on the right side of the win column for the first time last week with an impressive 180-point output. Roethlisberger has been huge, and Roddy White finally put up a big week, so maybe things are turning around for the Monsters. That said, the team is only 1-3 within the division, so more 180-pt efforts are what it will likely take to make a playoff trip a reality.
   
10. Pricks (2-3) – The Pricks are actually 2-1 in their division, with wins against each division opponent. However, they've yet to score over 140 (okay, 140.1 to be exact) and they lost a key H2H matchup against the Monsters last week. They're also the lowest scoring team in their division. Finally, the roster is a bit of a mess with four QBs and Michael Crabtree all languishing on the bench. Crabtree sees his first NFL action this week; does this mean better things are ahead for the Pricks?
    
11. Alley Cats (0-5) – The first of the two cellar-dwelling Richardson Bros., the Alley Cats have yet to post a W. However, this team has been a hard-luck loser in a couple of contests, putting up 150+ and 140+ in losing efforts. Manning the Younger has proven to be a better fantasy QB than many anticipated, and if his Giants can keep from blowing folks out, that asset may be even greater for the Cats. Acquiring fantasy's #3 RB in Ray Rice may also give this team a boost.
    
12. Ra-Tards (1-4) – Where to begin? Has there ever been a fantasy team whose success relied on one player more than the Tards? This team could be named the Breeses. As Brees has slowed, so have the Tards. The decision to designate Brees as a keeper looked genius after a 180-pt effort in Week 1 (of which Brees contributed 76.6!), even though that outage wasn't enough to produce a W. However, Brees has slowed in recent weeks, and the Tards have failed to crack 54 points in the last two contests. As a result, the Tards have scored nearly 100 points less than the next lowest-scoring team. The Tards have faced the most difficult schedule in the league (opponents' record: 19-6), so perhaps things will get turned around in the weeks ahead.