best pick / worst pick

here is the best pick and worst pick of the first 10 rounds of the draft. this is based on 1 persons opinion, only compared within that round, trying not to count injured players and only through the first 8 weeks of the season.

Round 1
Best - Marion Barber
Worst - lots of stinkers and not counting Brady, I'll go Grant

Round 2
Best - Drew Brees (Portis is a close 2nd)
Worst - a few bad ones here too, but Larry Johnson stands out

Round 3
Best - Andre Johnson has been a beast this year
Worst - palmer has been hurt, so I'll say Holt or James (at least McFadden is a potential keeper)

Round 4
Best - Antonio Gates
Worst - Chad Johnson hasnt been hurt, so he gets it (but Laurence Maroney only went on the IR last week so...)

Round 5
Best - Roddy Roddy Piper White (did anyone expect this - bonus 4 times already)
Worst - Derek Anderson (but only because Braylon was a keeper and not really a pick)

Round 6
Best - Santana Moss (4th in WR points)
Worst - Javon Walker

Round 7
Best - Matt Forte (keeper potential)
Worst - San Diego D/ST (1st DEF off the board)

Round 8
Best - Kurt Warner (2nd in QB points)
Worst - SEA D/ST (allowed 25 points 4 times this year)

Round 9
Best - Phillip Rivers (in the same round as Schaub and Bulger)
Worst - Jabar Gaffney (Really?)

Round 10
Best - Aaron Rogers
Worst - Jon Kitna (kinda an injury but really was benched)

so the real playoffs look like this

American Conference
#1 Avalon Park Assassins
#2 Hoof Harted
#3 Wings of Pastrami
#4 The Bourne Ulceration
(Estelle Getty's Boobs 10 points behind WC)

National Conference
#1 West Meadows Molesters
#2 Team VOTE 4 PEDRO
#3 Bradford Brawlers
#4 Huey Ramas
(Northeast Narcotics 53 points behind WC)

Playoff Update -- Week 9

While the participants are still the same, there has been some movement in the seeds. HH is currently the #3 seed, down from the #2. The Molesters have moved into that #2 spot. Huey Ramas and the Brawlers also swapped spots, with the Brawlers moving up to the #6 and the Ramas moving down to the #7.

#1 Seed: AP Assassins (Division winner, best record)
#2: WM Molesters (Division winner, shares 2nd best record with HH, but has H2H win against HH)
#3: Hoof Hearted (Division winner via H2H sweep of WOP)
#4: Team Pedro (Division winner via H2H victory over Brawlers, 4th best record)
#5: WOP (Best record, non-division winner, Amer. Conf.)
#6: Brawlers (Best record, non-division winner, Nat'l Conf.)
#7: Huey Ramas (Nat'l Conf. WC based on avg. score -- 124.2)
#8: Ulcerations (Amer. Conf. WC based on avg. score -- 123.9)

The swapping of seeds up top is important since we decided to award bonus points to the top 2 seeds. Also of note, there are 1.7 total points separating the Ulcerations and the Ramas. This is significant because right now, the outcome of that points battle would determine who faces the Assassins (avg. score -- 147.9) and who faces the Molesters (avg. score -- 117.6). Finally, the Boobs, at 1-6, are only 10.2 total points behind the Ulcerations for the final playoff spot.

Of those currently on the outside looking in, the Boobs and the Narcotics are the only teams within 100 total points of the #8 seed, and the Narcotics are still in contention for the division title, but they only have one more contest against a divisional opponent, a Week 12 tilt against the Brawlers.

While our WC system technically keeps any team in the playoff hunt, it's looking less and less likely that the Tutleheads and the Cocks will get in. The Cocks' 160+ point outburst this week still only raised the team's average score to 108.9 (it was below 100). All things equal, the Cocks would have to average about 150 points for the rest of the year to catch the current 7 and 8 seeds, while the Turtleheads would need an average of 146 per contest from here on out--a score it has yet to put up.

week 8 winners

Wings of Pastrami
West Meadows Molesters
Team VOTE 4 PEDRO
The Bourne Ulceration
Floating Turtleheads
Hoof Hearted

Last week 4-2
Overall 10-8

Manning vs. Campbell, The Sequel

Two weeks ago, I chose to sit Peyton Manning in favor of Jason Campbell, as Manning was struggling and Campbell had a nice matchup. Manning went off against the Ravens, and even though I won, the decision to sit my stud QB backfired.

Now I find myself in the exact same situation. Manning laid an egg again last week, and Campbell has a juicy matchup against the Lions. Manning faces a VERY tough Titans defense, yet, I have a gut feeling he'll play well. Also, I could see the Redskins getting up big in this game and running the ball (good for me as a Portis owner), giving Campbell one of those respectable, but not great, 20-25 point games. I'll probably go back and forth on this decision right up until game time.

Playoff Update

Time for our weekly (from here on, anyway) playoff update. If the playoffs were to start today, here's how it would shake out. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

#1 Seed: AP Assassin (Division winner, best record)
#2: Hoof Hearted (Division winner, 2nd best record)
#3: WM Molesters (Division winner, 3rd best record)
#4: Team Pedro (Division winner, via a H2H victory over Bradford Brawlers, 4th best record)
#5: WOP (Best record non-division winner)
#6: Huey Ramas (Best record non-division winner, Natl Division)
#7: Bradford Brawlers (WC based on Avg. Score)
#8: Bourne Ulceration (WC based on Avg. Score, Amer. Division)

Currently, Estelle Getty's Boobs is 9.5 points behind for a WC spot.

questions for each team

at the half-way mark of the season (kinda), below is a pressing question (or 2 or 3 or 4) for each team...

1. Avalon Park Assassins
will they stay undefeated if Romo misses the next 2-3 games? Will Roy E Williams be a fantasy black hole? Wll Chris Johnson hit a rookie wall during the fantasy playoffs?

2. Hoof Hearted
can eli manning be trusted enough that Jamarcus is your only backup? Do TO and Witten continue to get a high number of targets? do they have the 2nd funniest name in the league?

3. Wings of Pastrami
have they traded away too much positional "depth"? are 4 qbs really needed? will the 2 rookie running backs be good enough in december?

4. West Meadows Molestors
when will the magicial run of bush and mcnabb run out? why do they have 2 kickers? will they have any starting RBs in November?

5. Vote 4 Pedro
will both their top picks be the busts of the year (LJ and Addai)? is Deion Branch really worth owning?

6. Huey Ramas
is S-Jax really back? Is Roddy White for real? can sammie morris be awesome the rest of the year?

7. Bourne Ulceration
will any of his WR end the year in the top 20? what happens if peyton is just average this year? will he ever score over 150 points?

8. Bradford Brawlers
does any team's success depend more on one player (brees)? can a team make the playoffs without at least 1 solid RB? will holding on to galloway and curtis pay dividends?

9. Northeast Narcotics
can philip river really save the day? does any team have a more under-achieving WR squad (holmes, harrison, chad ocho cinco, mason)? can they get more consistent scoring (103, 143 and 78 points scored last weeks)?

10. Estelle Getty's Boobs
Has any team had worse luck ("keeper" injured in 1st game, 1st pick disappointing, most points scored against, etc)? Can a team make the playoffs with 1 win? Is Orton better than farve for the rest of the year?

11. Fighting Cocks
Will a healthy westbrook matter to this teams playoff chances? does any team have more 2nd fiddles (mo morris, jerry porter, donald driver, leron mcclain, kolby smith, matt leinart)?

12. Floating Turtleheads
will they win a game? How good would they had been with Tom Brady? will they pay attention in December?

The Other Hawkins Power Rankings

1. Avalon Park Assassins

The seriousness of Romo’s injury could affect this ranking, but until someone knocks this team off, it is the undisputed king. The Assassins arrogantly trotted out a TE on a bye last week and still threw the NL1 division-leading Pedros over the mountains last week. This team’s biggest weakness might be its depth, as Romo’s injury shows: Dan Orlovsky is the slated starter should Romo be a no-go. But this is the case with most teams in a deep 12-team league, so it’s hard to fault the AP Assassins for that.

Average Margin of Victory: 34.2 points

Interesting Fact: The Assassins have one win of less than 1 point, two wins by less than 4 points, and three wins by less than 10 points. Yet, they also have scored wins of nearly 99 and 70 points.

2. Hoof Hearted

Another team without a real glaring weakness among the starters, although there is a loose correlation between the score Peyton’s little bro puts up and Double-H’s score. Should Eli return to his inconsistent self—and last week’s performance certainly suggests it’s possible—the team can look to JaMarcus Russell as its savior. Yikes. Hoof Hearted are coming off their first loss of the year, and it was an ugly one, so this spot in the rankings might also be tenuous.

Average Margin of Victory: 8.8 points

Interesting Fact: With Witten and Jennings, Hoof Hearted is one of only two teams to have two players who rank #1 in fantasy points for their position. (The Bourne Ulceration is the other, with Titans HC and Portis.)

3. Wings of Pastrami

The only thing keeping the WOPs from the #2 ranking is an 0-2 head-to-head record against nemesis Hoof Hearted. While Hoof Hearted has taken care of inter-divisional business, WOP has dropped those only two divisional contests. Otherwise, WOP has outscored his 5-1 rival and is coming off a respectable 140+ output. The spotlight is on the QB position for this team, as well. So far, with Big Ben getting beat up, WOP has been surviving on a Gus Frerotte wing , and this week it looks like a Matt Schaub prayer. This might work through the middle part of the schedule, but as the playoffs near, you wonder if the team would take back the Kurt Warner deal. It’s worked out well so far, though, as this is one of the league’s better teams.

Average Margin of Victory: 27.9 points

Interesting Fact: This team has only one contest decided by single-digits, a heart-breaking 0.4 point loss to Hoof Hearted. No other game has even been within 20 points.

4. Team Vote 4 Pedro

This is a team that knows when to have a bad game, as their lowest scoring games correspond with those games in which they’ve had the highest score against them (103.4-165.8 and 84.5 to 183.4). The other four games have produced a solid 137.5 pp/g average. Aaron Rodger’s success has buoyed this team against the nearly bustworthy performance of its first round pick, Addai, and a somewhat unspectacular season from T.J. Howsyourmama. The boom-and-bust trend continues with the inspiring play (minus last week’s performance) of Santana Moss versus the unpredictable play of LJ. In the end, Team Vote 4 Pedro registers as the “best” of a clear second tier of teams.

Average Margin of Victory: -11.6 points

Interesting Fact: Team Pedro one of three teams to be undefeated on the road and within the division. (AP Assassins and Hoof Hearted are the others.)

5. Bourne Ulceration

This team could easily be 4-2, but it ran into a buzz saw in Week 2, as a 154 point effort was snuffed out by the Assassins’ 224 point onslaught. But things are looking up for the Ulcers, as Peyton Manning and Braylon Edwards finally put up the kind of games that their owners were expecting last week. With Portis performing like a clear #1 RB and Ronnie Brown looking like pre-knee injury Ronnie Brown, the RB position has become less of a question-mark, which bodes well for this team going forward.

Average Margin of Victory: -8.7 points

Interesting Fact: The Ulcers is the only team to see its scoring improve four weeks in a row.

6. West Meadows Molesters

It’s hard to put any team that has scored 52 points in a game in the top half of the league, but the bottom line is that there is some firepower here. The Molesters are perfect within their division, and McNabb and Bush are making those draft day scoffs look ridiculous. McNabb’s play allowed the team to make a trade for stud Larry Fitzgerald, a fine weapon from that aerial show in Arizona. If McNabb can keep it up, this team should do just fine.

Average Margin of Victory: 12.3 points

Interesting Fact: Is the only team in the league not to have more than 140 points score against them in a game.

7. Huey Ramas

Take the Week 1 debacle out, and this team has been the very definition of solid, averaging 133.3 points in the weeks since the sub-100 point disappointment. The combination of Jay Cutler, Roddy White, and the Titans’ D has produced fine results. If Steven Jackson and Plaxico Burress start performing with consistency, look out. Being in the division with the lowly Turtleheads has also helped keep this team at .500 within the division.

Average Margin of Victory: 6 points

Interesting Fact: Is one of two teams currently on a win streak.

8. Bradford Brawlers

Despite the .500 record and the fact that the Brawlers are only one of three teams without a sub-100 points scoring game, this team ranks this low because it’s high game score is 134.5, the second lowest high score. Translation: Not much outburst potential here. The other knock on this team is that it’s pretty much a one-man show. Drew Brees has accounted for 49 percent of this team’s total points (nearly HALF) in three of the six weeks, and it’s no coincidence that Brees’ worst game was the Brawlers worst game. This one-sided attack is a dance with death.

Average Margin of Victory: 8.8 points

Interesting Fact: At 3-0, the Brawlers and the Assassins are perfect in their contests against their brothers.

9. Estelle Getty’s Boobs

Believe it or not, this team, at 1-5, is a playoff team were the regular season to end today. This is due to their 140+ average score. The lousy record is more a reflection of the tough breaks the team has faced, and with a 200+ point outburst in week 4, there’s proof this team has ability. Getting Colston back should provide a shot in the arm, and getting LT untracked would really make this team dangerous.

Average Margin of Victory: -14.7 points

Interesting Fact: This is the only team to have 140+ points scored against them four times, all losses.

10. Northeast Narcotics

Not much to say about this 2-4 team. The recent trade for Rivers, though, did help them snap a three-game skid and helped them achieve their highest point total of the season. With Gore playing well and a stout Vikings D, there are some pieces in place. Maybe last week was a sign of things to come.

Average Margin of Victory: -12.2 points

Interesting Fact: This is one of two teams to have at least 118 points scored against them every week. (Estelle Getty’s Boobs is the other.)

11. Fighting Cocks

The Cocks are flaccid right now. (Too easy.) They came out of nowhere and put up 165 on the Boobs in Week 5, and they’re still the lowest scoring team in the league. The move for Kurt Warner was a good one at the time, and it might give the Cocks a lift, but another way to look at that trade is that Derek Anderson’s ineptness cost the team one of the best WRs in the game, in Reggie Wayne. Now, with Anderson having a stellar game last week, the trade looks even sketchier. If Anderson is for real, the Cocks do have a rare luxury in this league, though, with depth at QB.

Average Margin of Victory: -19.1 points

Interesting Fact: This is the only team in the league to score under 100 points three times.

12. The Floating Turtleheads

Like their first-round pick, this team has been knee-capped by injuries. Tom Brady is out for the year; Nate Burleson is out for the year; Willis McGahee looks less than 100%; Anquan Boldin had his head knocked around; Reggie Brown has missed time; and Felix Jones is out for an extended period. Undoubtedly, the Brady injury made this an uphill battle, but the other injuries have doomed this team. With a roster that looks like a NFL practice squad, the Turtleheads are no longer floating, they’re drowning.

Average Margin of Victory: -31.3 points

Interesting Fact: The Turtleheads have lost every game by at least 7 points.

week 7 winners

winners this week:
Wings of Pastrami
Huey Ramas
Avalon Park Assasins
Estelle Getty's Boobs
Northeast Narcotics
Hoof Hearted

Last week: 3-3
overall: 6-6

What Idiot Sits Peyton Manning?

Despite breaking the age-old rule about sitting your studs, I pulled off the W this week. It’s nice to get back to .500, but more importantly, this victory keeps me within a game of the WC based on record. Additionally, the team put up over 150 points without anyone really going off.* All of my regular position players put up double-digits, except for Torry Holt.** I’m hoping Holt or Edwards steps up, because I imagine that Lance Moore might see his value drop a little when Colston gets back.***

*Clinton Portis did, however, put up a season-high 36.8 points and has rushed for 100+ yards in three straight contests. I couldn’t be happier that he fell to me in the second round.

**If Portis is a pleasant surprise (and that might be overstating a second-round pick), Holt has been a huge disappointment. He’s yet to catch more than 6 passes and has not topped 17 points in any game this season. How good would Brandon Marshall or Andre Johnson look with that pick instead of Holt?

***I’m guessing that EGB is REALLY missing Colston at this point. That passing offense is cooking, and he’s missing out. It would be different if someone like Edwards or Holt went down, since those offenses are struggling anyway and I wouldn’t really miss their production, but Adam hasn’t benefitted from the Saints’ pass-happy game plan.

I can’t decide what I’m happier about, at this point, that my team scored big without overly relying on any one player (see Brees, Drew), or that Manning had his finest game of the season in a week when everyone, including me, had written him off? Both are great signs, and I’m eager to see what Edwards does tonight against the G-Men. Part of me hopes the Browns’ offense stinks again, so that Brady Quinn gets his shot, and because I have Edwards on the bench. But of course I’d be happy to see Edwards and Anderson (or better yet, Edwards and Quinn) re-establish their chemistry and get back to their old passing ways. I really feel like my team is improving, and it’ll be interesting to see if the next few weeks bears that out.

week 6 picks

winners this week-
Wings of Pastrami
Team VOTE 4 PEDRO
The Bourne Ulceration
Hoof Hearted
Huey Ramas
Estelle Getty's Boobs

LAST WEEK 3-3
OVERALL 3-3

who versus who

Ryan (pensacola, FL): Manning vs Ravens....or Frerrote vs Lions?

SportsNation AJ Mass : (11:22 AM ET ) "You have to start Peyton Manning" would be the answer most folks would type. And if I have both, he's who I start, because why draft him if you don't start him every week? But the better matchup and the likely better day? Gus. It all depends if you're gutsy enough to pull the trigger, and willing to live with being woefully wrong.

Gus Frerotte

I hard to take a long hard pause when starting Gussy Gus last week. Much to my surprise, he almost brought me a victory. He only scored 7 points less than Peyton Manning and is projected to 33 points this week as well. Not too bad for a waiver wire, laughable pickup when it happened.

In a global sense, he is projected as #9 this week on ESPN, ahead of such high draft picks as Peyton Manning, Phillip Rivers, Carson Palmer, Matt Hassleback, and Marc Bulger.

All that said, he is hard to trust and hopefully won't be on my team much longer. He is starting this week versus the lowly Lions (also since Big Ben on the Bye Week and Garrard has a tougher matchup)

Viva La Frerotte (at least this week)

bummer of a loss

last week was one of those weeks that so many little things went wrong, it added up to a big loss. 2 players missed the bonus by less than 5 yards. I started the wrong kicker*, his HC had a the greatest comeback in the last 2:10 and I had to count on Gus Ferotte to bail me out on a MNF (he almost did). I scored high (a close 4th highest, 2 points away from 2nd highest) so I was pleased. But a W would have made me please-ier.

*how many times can you blame a kicker? Not many. So I'm using that excuse this time.

Week 5

Well, I'm putting all of my eggs in Lance Moore's basket. (That sounds a little creepy.) I'll need a yardage bonus or some catches and a TD if I'm to split the Hawkins Bros. regular season series. If you had told me that Manning, Portis, and Brown would all go for about 30 points, I'd have been fairly confident in a W this week. Unfortunately, my D/ST laid an egg, and for the second week in a row, the Pack cost me 5 points for my HC.* If both of those "players" break even, I in much better shape come Monday night.

*How good of a coach is Jeff Fisher? He never seems to have any studs, yet he consistently fields winning teams. If only I'd learn to start him weekly...

My team seems to plateau around 115 points each week, and that's not good enough to realize any success. If Edwards and Holt can return to 2007 form, I'll feel pretty good about a Manning, Portis, Brown, Edwards, Holt, and Welker lineup. If that doesn't happen, though, it could be a disappointing season.

upset weekend

seahawks over the giants in real NFL football
Northeast Narcotics over Team VOTE 4 PEDRO in fake football
AND
OJ Simpson over Lawrence Phillips in idiot moves in life. (this probably isnt a HUGE upset)

5 GOOD AND BAD

5 studs this week
1 of the A. Peterson's (guess which one)
It's not A TOOMER
Steve Clean Slaton
Peyton Danny Maning
Marion the Barber of Seville

5 busts this week
Willis McGoo McGahee
Santana Damn it I'm not Randy Moss
Reggie H.W. Bush
Andre 3000 Johnson
Orange Julis Jones

it will happen one day

one day, someone will die a fantasy football death. http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2008/sep/29/upset-fantasy-football-player-arrested-allegedly-t/

WOP-FC Trade Breakdown

A little breakdown of the trade between the Wings of Pastrami and the Fighting Cocks*, who swapped some heavy fantasy hitters on Thursday.

*Before I breakdown this trade, let me make an appeal to Pate to change his team name. Now, I'm all for loyalty, and if my memory serves me correctly, Pate has been the Fighting Cocks since day one. As someone who reluctantly changed his team name last year (long live the Ragin' Rubergs), I get that tradition is worth something. But my reasons are twofold: First, can't we all admit this team name is a little junior highish. It's like that guy on your softball team that always wears the number 69. Okay, it's a reference to naughty anatomy; we get it. On a more practical level, a name change might make it easier to shorten his team name in posts like this, rather than being forced to choose between Cocks and FC.

In this trade, Pate got Brenda Warner's husband, Donald Driver, and Steeler TE Heath Miller.* WOP received Reggie Wayne and Darren Sproles in return. I think Reggie Wayne is the biggest name of this group, certainly if you use the place they went in the draft as a judge**, but there were some valuable pieces moved around here.

*The trade resulted in Pate being over the roster limit, forcing one-time fantasy stud Alge Crumpler into homelessness.
**This is a terrible way to judge a trade, by the way. I hate it when owners put too much weight on where a particular player was drafted, as if there’s some matrix of draft picks that must be used to make a trade equal, like a player taken in the first round equals a second-rounder and a third-rounder. I shouldn’t need a conversion chart to make my trades. Players’ values change the minute games start being played. (See: Moss, Randy)

Even if WOP garnered the biggest name, I applaud Pate for making a move to improve his team. The Cocks are currently last in the league in scoring and are one of two teams to have multiple double-digit scoring weeks. Quarterback has been a particular dark spot for the Cocks, as Derek Anderson looks more like the backup to Charlie Frye that he was at the beginning of last year than the Pro Bowler he was at his apex. Warner gives him a guy who is capable of single-handedly winning matchups, as it’s rare to find a player who can turn the ball over 6 times and still score nearly 50 fantasy points. If Warner remains the starter in Arizona, he’s got all the weapons he needs to be successful: two legitimate #1s at WR (assuming Boldin is healthy), a questionable ground game (assuming James is still using a walker to plod through the running lanes that may or may not be there), and a porous defense that has them often playing catch-up. But will he remain the starter? That’s the concern that makes this such a high-risk, high-reward deal. Warner put up great numbers last week against the Jets, but his TOs affected the outcome of the game, a loss for the Cards.* I think this puts his status as starter in question, and with Leinart breathing over his shoulder as the presumable future of the organization, I’d be worried about Warner holding a clipboard before too long. If he remains a starter, then this was a good trade for Pate.

*It didn’t hurt that the mid-90s version of Brett Favre showed up at the game and threw for half a dozen TDs. These are just the kind of days that kill Favre owners. He puts up numbers like this just often enough to make a case for himself as a fantasy starter all year, and then in the playoffs, when the weather gets cold or the stakes get high, he dooms someone’s fantasy teams. What? I’m not bitter.

Speaking of QBs, this does leave WOP dangerously thin at the position. I’m of the mindset that any trade that forces you to pick up and start Gus Frerotte should be heavily scrutinized. With Big Ben laying in a heap at midfield a good portion of the games and David Garrard throwing more INTs through 4 games than all of last year, it was, in many ways, a bold more for WOP, too. What it gives him, though, is one of the game’s premier fantasy WRs. If Randy Moss returns to pre-Tom-Brady-injury form, and Jerricho Cotchery continues to emerge, this could be a formidable WR crew come playoff time.

It should be pointed out, though, that Donald Driver is no slouch, and while he is a downgrade from Wayne, he’ll produce enough to be a reliable 2/3 WR, so this reduces the loss a little.

Darren Sproles was the throw-in of this trade to equal things out a little. There’s not much value here if he’s not starting, as it’s difficult to pencil a player in based strictly on his return skills. But if Tomlinson were to go down with an injury, a notion that is not completely implausible at this point, it would be a huge bonus for WOP.

In the end, I think WOP got the best player in the deal, but Pate maybe “wins” the trade in that it addresses some of the team’s serious concerns. As a division opponent, I hope Warner finds himself bagging groceries again shortly, and I’m happy to see half of my Manning-to-Wayne connection go outside the division.

Full Throttle Fantasy Football - week 5

Winners -
Northeast Narcotics
Avalon Park Assasins
Bradford Brawlers
Fighting Cocks
Floating Turtleheads
Wings of Pastrami